Kids from all over the world who dream of making it in the National Hockey League will be going head to head at the Air Canada Centre in the 2015 IIHF World Junior Championship during the holidays.
But that’s not the only place in town to find NHL hopefuls showcasing their talents over the next two weeks. The city is a hotbed for minor hockey holiday tournaments where you can find many more future NHL stars on display.
If you drop by you’re liable to bump into my buddy Sean in the crowd at any of these popular tourneys. He’ll be hard at work, honing his craft between whistles. Not as a player – we’re talking heckler.
Sean thinks it’s high time NHL clubs took advantage of what he considers a lucrative, untapped potential arena revenue stream: boisterous fans such as himself who regularly entertain the crowd with their remarks during stoppages in play. The sponsors would pay the teams for the right to utilize hecklers to help advertise their products and they’d pay the hecklers, too.
Here’s what it would sound like during the game.
Heckler 1: "Hey ref, you stink. Yeah, you heard me. You stink. With a capital PU. But you wouldn’t have to stink, mind you. In fact, you wouldn’t even have to sweat at all. Not if you used Fresh As A Daisy deodorant. That’s right, Fresh As A Daisy. Available at the end of Concourse 2. Speaking of which, you might want sprint over there after the next time out, just to be on the safe side. I hate to break it to you, but even the linesmen are looking at you funny."
Heckler 2: "Slashing? Are you out of your mind? No way was that slashing. You want to see slashing? Head down to Savourama City where prices are being slashed so low it’ll make your head spin. Which will be an added bonus because once it starts to swivel again you might actually catch some real slashes once in a while. You know, the ones committed by the other team that you never seem to be able to see."
Heckler 3: "You call that a trip? I‘ll tell you about a trip. Any trip on Dreamy Cruise Lines. In fact, book a Caribbean cruise in the next hour and Dreamy will give you $500 off per person. That’s right, 500 big ones. Each. Operators are standing by. So get the lead out and get on the phone before the deal expires. Trust me, you’ll never forgive yourself if you blow that call, too."
Heckler 4: "Oh brother. Not again. I can’t believe that last one. Hey ref, I’ve got an idea. Wake me up when you make a good call, OK? Or better yet, have a Rock Around The Clock timepiece wake you up instead. Rock Around The Clock, where timing is everything. By the way, get one without a snooze button. You don’t need any help in that department. You’re already on perpetual snooze."
Heckler 5: "Are you joking? No penalty? That should have been five minutes AND a game misconduct. How the heck did you miss that elbow? You ought to have your eyes examined. And what better place to have your eyes examined than Sight For Sore Eyes. That’s right, Sight For Sore Eyes. Where our skilled opticians will fit you with glasses while you wait. So you can quickly get back to doing what you do best: messing up hockey games."
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