BUT SERIOUSLY: The Parkdale Pigeon talks turkey

We’re talking the one and only Parkdale Pigeon, the famous mascot of the Parkdale Pigeons, a legend in the world of minor hockey.

Psychiatrist: "So how can I help you, son?"

Parkdale Pigeon: "Well, Doc, it’s like this. I’m the mascot for a minor hockey team in Parkdale."

Psychiatrist: "Say no more. I know your team well. I go to all of your home games. Not to worry, the Pigeons won’t be in last place forever. If they add four fast forwards, two big defencemen, have a good draft and pick up a couple of free agents things could turn around. If not, I hear the league is adding two teams next year, so you’ll at least be better than those two new expansion pushovers."

Pigeon: "Very funny, Doc. But it’s not about the team, it’s about my outfit."

Psychiatrist: "You mean it’s too hot? Well, you know what they say: If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the pigeon."

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• Dec 31, 1969
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• Dec 31, 1969
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Pigeon: "Are you gonna be serious, Doc?"

Psychiatrist: "Relax, son. I was just messing with you. Don’t get your feathers ruffled."

Pigeon: "Doctor."

Psychiatrist: "Sorry. I couldn’t resist. Please continue. I’ll be good from now on. Now, what are you getting in such a flap about?"

Pigeon: "Doctorrr."

Psychiatrist: "That’s the last one, I promise."

Pigeon: "The thing is, I have to wear this get-up virtually 24 hours a day."

Psychiatrist: "Go on."

Pigeon: "I have to be in costume for all the games, for example."

Psychiatrist: "I see."

Pigeon: "Then there are all the charity appearances."

Psychiatrist: "Uh huh."

Pigeon: "And let’s not forget all the other functions and events for which I serve as team ambassador."

Psychiatrist: "So you’re busy? That’s your problem?"

Pigeon: "Heavens no. It’s not the work. I love it. It’s just that I’m in the costume so much I’m starting to really feel like a pigeon. The truth is, after spending all this time in the uniform I don’t know where I begin and the pigeon ends."

Psychiatrist: "Ahhh. So that’s it. You’re having an identity crisis. Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?"

Pigeon: "I was trying to Doc, but you kept doing shtick. So can you help me?"

Psychiatrist: "Well, I do have one suggestion."

Pigeon: "What is it? I’ll do anything."

Psychiatrist: "You might want to come down from the windowsill."